Tag Archives: lying
We have all faced them and at one point been one. But how do we know if we are dealing with a liar the next time around? Perhaps the next one is a little bit more skilled than the last. This next one may just be on the border, of being a perfect liar.
Body Language is everything and there is an art to learning how to read the person. If you find them in simple lies that you know for certain are lies, ask questions and watch how they react. Then ask normal questions to get a feel for how they react. This technique coupled with natural instincts, will get the answers your heart needs every time.
Things to watch for in their body language:
Pay particular attention to the jaw line. Watch for twitching or erratic movement. It is usually closer to the ear.
Next watch the legs and hands. Are their legs moving back and forth or are their knuckles being cracked? Being fidgety is a huge warning sign.
Are they carressing their frontal lobe and/or the bridge of their nose?
What is their tone? How does this compare to normal conversation?
Paying attention to the way they react when you present them with information you know, will give you most of the answers you need. In time, you will appear to be borderline psychic. All you have to do is know who you are dealing with.
Reversals are common when dealing with liars. This is when they either change subjects entirely, or they find something to blame you for.
You may be talking about something they actually did, and they will jump to something they think you might do to them. This is because of the guilt on their conscience that they do this. They hate being caught.
Walking Away is common with liars. They can’t face the truth. They have to take that time of panic, to gather up their story.
“What do you know?”, is a question commonly asked by liars. Or they will say “tell me what you think you know”. In their minds, they need facts first. It gives them time to scheme up their newest version of the story. And by telling them what you know and how you know, you aid them at fooling you more the next time. They are sneaky.
The easiest way to see how genuine they are when they “come clean” according to them, is to bring the subject up multiple times in various settings and comfort zones. When this is done, the stories will have holes which in turn leads you to more answers.
After having loved a liar in any kind of a relationship, you will find that you are a much better listener. You may also find that you take better notes and pay close attention to details.
Denial is the reason people lie. They feel that by denying who they have been or are, they can get closer to what they really want. The unfortunate part is that they can not see denying takes them further away from their destination. What that fail to realize is that: “It is impossible to fix something that we can’t admit is broken. So as long as the issues are denied, things will remain broken.”
A person who is dealing with a liar may find themselves praying, a lot. I highly recommend the prayer. God gets angry when people wrong us. And he will reveal the answers we need if we ask.
The question is, how bad do you want to know? Is it really worth it? The best thing to do would be to pick up the pieces, and move on. God will restore double what is lost.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Leave a comment | tags: about, answers, are, away, body language, breaking, confront, confronting, coping, dealing, denial, determine, do, down, he, how, is, liars, lying, me, prayer, reading, reversal, reversing, she, strategies, the, they, things. they, tips, to, to watch for, Truth, walk, what | posted in Daily Inspiration & Motivation
Truth or Dare is a game we play daily, and a game of choice. We can either speak the truth, or dare to bear the consequences.
The consequences of taking the Dare or telling the lie could be; losing a relationship, a job, a child’s heart, losing others respect or whatever else may apply. No matter what the case may be, we are always better off choosing the truth. It is the safest way to play.
The consequences of truth are well-known in advance. So, the person may not speak to you for a while. They may avoid you or the issue at hand. They may even try to turn it around or blame you or others. However, over time they will most likely respect you for telling them the truth.
Telling the truth will cause some sort of friction but only because the truth does hurt. What we must all remember is; the truth never hurts as much as not being worth the truth at all. We should be honest in all things, because, nobody is really worth lying to. Why sacrifice ourselves?
Each dare that we take has a hidden price-tag. The price will not be visible until we get to the register. Usually, if there is no price-tag visible it is because we can’t really afford it.
Due to the expense, each dare will eventually lead to emotional bankruptcy. If we invest in lies then we will be guaranteed to lose in this life long game of Truth or Dare. Why play to lose?
There is only one guaranteed way to win this game of Truth or Dare, and that is by picking the truth every time. Although the dares may be ones way of filing for bankruptcy, the truth is more like purchasing stock. There is no better investment in life, than having emotional freedom. The truth is not only free to invest in, but it sets us free too.
The truth is what keeps us upright and walking in light; whereas taking the dares will force us to walk in darkness. What do you get when you mix darkness and light, or black and white? Gray skies, and cloudy days! Keep those who rebuke the truth, far away.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
Leave a comment | tags: betrayal, cant, cards, coming clean, communicate, communication, compulsive, consequences, dare, game, games, head, heart, it, liar, liars, lies, lying, mind, of, on, or, out, playing, putting, relationship, Relationships, risk, table, there, to, trust, Truth, why | posted in Daily Inspiration & Motivation, Relationships, Truth
Sometimes as relationships end people tend to hold on to a few mistakes one person made and use them as that person’s complete character make-up. They will talk about you, deceive you, and manipulate the situations allowing others to believe you are someone you are not. The best thing to do in a situation such as this, is just bide your time.
When people lie, it always comes out eventually. It may take a week, a month, or in some cases many years. But nonetheless, it comes out. All we can do, is keep doing what we know is right. We must stay true to ourselves and not let the negativity they project towards us, get to us.
Say a prayer, and have some faith. Over time others will see who was being honest, and who wasn’t. Others will see who is weak, and who is strong. Others will begin to question the things that do not add up. And when they do, that someone who was once trying to convince others that you are someone you aren’t; will get a dose of karma.
“What we project out, will always be returned to us. So keep projecting the good and eventually, the good will come.”
3 comments | tags: about, be, comes, denial, denying, discouraged, ending, eventually, faith, honest, karma, knowing, lies, lying, me, negative, out, over, patience, patient, poorly, positive, project, relationships. end, right, stay, strong, talking, time, true, Truth, uplift, uplifting, what, you | posted in Alcoholism, Relationships
We are all human and we all make mistakes. In some cases it hinders relationships, and apologies are necessary. But how do we know if someone is truly sorry for their actions?
Admittance – Without admitting what we have done wrong we remain in a state of denial. While in denial, it is impossible to break the cycle. If your partner has admitted their wrong doings, you are heading in the right direction.
Apologetic – Anyone can apologize and say what people want to hear. When wondering how sorry a person is, ask yourself how sincere the apology was. Or was there even an apology? No apology is denial of the behavior and a guarantee that those emotions that prompted you to read this, will resurface again until the cycle is broken.
Actions – After admitting a wrongdoing and apologizing it is important to put words into action. At this stage the apologetic person should be taking large strides to correct his/her issues. This should be something seen regularly vs. something seen for the few days following a disagreement. Although we may slip up when making changes and revert to old behaviors from time to time, when someone is truly sorry you will see more days of effort than you will days of the old behavior.
Change - When a person is truly apologetic, change is noticeable. There are no gray areas. This person has not only admitted it and apologized, but he/she is actively trying to help himself/herself. Whether it be by reading materials pertaining to the issues, or receiving counseling for his/her problems the changes should be noticeable.
Accept - Someone that is truly sorry can take the heat, and will acknowledge what they have done along with accepting the repercussions. They will suggest ways to mend fences, and admit that they guided the relationship to this position. They will accept any emotions they have caused those they have hurt as though they were their own. They will be understanding, compassionate, and patient.
“Until people decide with the right intentions to change for themselves,
….. change is impossible.”
1 comment | tags: actions, admit, admitting, adultery, affair, apology, boyfriend, cheat, Cheating, claim, claiming, denial, deny, emotional, emotions, forgive, Forgiveness, girlfriend, he, how, husband, know, liar, lies, Love, loving, lying, mistakes, physical, relationship, Relationships, she, signs, someone, sorry, to, wife, words | posted in Forgiveness, Relationships
Breaking a compulsive liar down can be a lengthy process. Although there is no guarantee to a permanent change, if you are persistent you can get a compulsive liar to cave. The number one rule will be exercising patience! Getting them to come clean will not guarantee a change in their behavior, but you can push them to the point of truth for your particular situation.
They have always said you have to be smart to be a good liar and let’s face it, compulsive liars lack intelligence. They have trouble keeping their stories straight and as you call them out they swear they weren’t lying. They swear they didn’t say something they have said in attempt to cover the lie prior to the bust. They get defensive, and often storm off. After they have cooled down, push some more. Keep forcing them to face it.
In some cases you may need to pretend to know things you do not know. And in every case that involves an compulsive liar, there will be a lot of homework that needs to be done. As you discover things pertaining to your situation, encourage him/her, and tell him/her how much better he/she will feel coming clean. Let him/her know how much better the relationship will be once the truth is out.
It is also important that you show little emotion when they do open up. If they sense anger, they will stop opening up and revert to the lying cycle. Encourage the change, but also know your limits. Compulsive lying is an addiction, and as any addiction relapse is always possible. If you love this person, keep doing your homework and keep calling the person out. Often times if a compulsive liar gets caught up a lot, he/she will at least reduce the amount of lies, and sometimes they even stop completely.
If the relationship is weighing you down, maintain your distance. Sometimes the only way people learn their lessons and change; is when a loved one walks away. It forces them to hit rock bottom, and only then do they begin to live a more honest life. Some people will not learn until they have suffered the consequences of their actions.
8 comments | tags: breaking, clean, come, coming clean, compulsive liar, defensive, defensiveness, dishonest, down, her, him, honesty, liar, liars, lies, lying, questioning, relapse, stop, stopping, takes time, them | posted in Compulsive liars, Observations
Being married to an alcoholic is challenging. As if marriage isn’t tough enough, we find ourselves facing an illness that can be life threatening.
As spouses we want to believe that there is hope, and that the behavior is something we can correct. We believe the if we do certain things, say certain things, avoid situations, and act a certain way it will change the alcoholics mindset. We think that if we avoid alcohol itself that it will help. After all, if we drink they will want to drink. So we avoid it all together. We try everything to prevent drinking episodes and fight like hell to understand the disease, its causes, and its effects. One of the biggest mistakes we make; is thinking we can control the fate of the disease.
It is hard to maintain an upbeat spirit and our identity when dealing with an alcoholic on a daily basis. Often times we lose sight of ourselves and eventually as we find ourselves again we find the courage to walk away.
The hardest part of dealing with a spouse that suffers from alcoholism is accepting the reality that we can’t change them. It does not matter what we do, they are who they are. They will lie to us, they will deceive. Trust will be hard to restore. The battle of dealing with an alcoholic can be just as bad as having the disease.
Some alcoholics hide it well. They come off as hardworking, well liked, and social. Others can come across as laid back and quiet. These are usually the ones that can’t maintain their alcohol and become violent. It can be quite dangerous. They can’t hear our crying and pleading for them to get help, instead they dive deeper into the drinking and begin to resent the one suggesting they seek help. They are in their own world, and only those that accommodate their disease are welcomed.
Alcoholics are on a road to self-destruction. Until they reach a dead-end they will not realize that they need help. They will continue to surround themselves with people who make them feel justified in their behavior. Someone that says “Oh you had a bad day? Want to have a drink?” will soon be their best friend. They feel this person understands. What this person has done is opened another door and allowed the alcoholic to do even more damage. They have just become the rescuer.
Alcoholism is a painful disease to watch. We never know what will come next. A new injury, more vomit, a new place he/she passed out, another fight, a D.U.I., a social mishap, or a new hole in a wall or door.
When living with an alcoholic you are truly the only one that knows the extent of the disease and can often vouch for the fact that you never know what their mood will be. They are often quite moody and sometimes the slightest things set them off. It is Jeckel and Hyde. They are critical of others because they feel bad about themselves. They are out of control. They have lost sight of who they are. As a result they can become controlling, and abusive.
When we love an alcoholic it can be debilitating. They can not see the pain they cause. Sometimes we just have to let go because it becomes too depressing to watch and live with. At that point all we can do is pray for the best results.
Until people want to change, there will be no change. And if their disease is causing you to lose who you are and what you believe in, it is time to let go. It is not worth losing you too!
For more information about contributing to your loved ones disease click here.
26 comments | tags: Abuse, abusive, acceptance, alcoholic, Alcoholism, an, battling, being married, can he change, can she change, caused, challenges, challenging, controlling, daily battle, debilitating, disease, drink, drinking, drunk, effects, facing, getting out, hitting rock bottom, leaving, letting go, life, living with a drunk, losing sight, Love, lying, Marriage, married to an alcoholic, of, pain, partner, pray, prayer, rescuer, saving yourself, the, unconditional love, walking away, we cant change them, with | posted in Alcoholism
Merry Christmas to you
What a lovely year this was
It’s the year I lost my friend
Yet another death
More agony
More pain my heart can’t take.
As you sit with your wife
Opening Gifts
Helping bake
Play with your children
Don’t forget
This will soon haunt you
While I sit here wishing
Dreaming
Waiting
Knowing
I will never see you again
So as you wanted it
Merry Christmas dear
Tell her about me some year
And write me off the rest of the way.
Sincerely,
Your dirty little secret!
© 2006 Angela Bininger
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
2 comments | tags: adultery, affair, agony, Anger, angry, broken, cheaters, Cheating, christmas, dirty little secret, dirty secret, Divorce, heartache, heartbreak, keeping it a secret, loss, lost love, lying, poem, poems, Poetry, Relationships, sadness, why did he go back, why did she go back, write me off | posted in Divorce, Marriage, People, Poetry
