Tag Archives: is
We have all faced them and at one point been one. But how do we know if we are dealing with a liar the next time around? Perhaps the next one is a little bit more skilled than the last. This next one may just be on the border, of being a perfect liar.
Body Language is everything and there is an art to learning how to read the person. If you find them in simple lies that you know for certain are lies, ask questions and watch how they react. Then ask normal questions to get a feel for how they react. This technique coupled with natural instincts, will get the answers your heart needs every time.
Things to watch for in their body language:
Pay particular attention to the jaw line. Watch for twitching or erratic movement. It is usually closer to the ear.
Next watch the legs and hands. Are their legs moving back and forth or are their knuckles being cracked? Being fidgety is a huge warning sign.
Are they carressing their frontal lobe and/or the bridge of their nose?
What is their tone? How does this compare to normal conversation?
Paying attention to the way they react when you present them with information you know, will give you most of the answers you need. In time, you will appear to be borderline psychic. All you have to do is know who you are dealing with.
Reversals are common when dealing with liars. This is when they either change subjects entirely, or they find something to blame you for.
You may be talking about something they actually did, and they will jump to something they think you might do to them. This is because of the guilt on their conscience that they do this. They hate being caught.
Walking Away is common with liars. They can’t face the truth. They have to take that time of panic, to gather up their story.
“What do you know?”, is a question commonly asked by liars. Or they will say “tell me what you think you know”. In their minds, they need facts first. It gives them time to scheme up their newest version of the story. And by telling them what you know and how you know, you aid them at fooling you more the next time. They are sneaky.
The easiest way to see how genuine they are when they “come clean” according to them, is to bring the subject up multiple times in various settings and comfort zones. When this is done, the stories will have holes which in turn leads you to more answers.
After having loved a liar in any kind of a relationship, you will find that you are a much better listener. You may also find that you take better notes and pay close attention to details.
Denial is the reason people lie. They feel that by denying who they have been or are, they can get closer to what they really want. The unfortunate part is that they can not see denying takes them further away from their destination. What that fail to realize is that: “It is impossible to fix something that we can’t admit is broken. So as long as the issues are denied, things will remain broken.”
A person who is dealing with a liar may find themselves praying, a lot. I highly recommend the prayer. God gets angry when people wrong us. And he will reveal the answers we need if we ask.
The question is, how bad do you want to know? Is it really worth it? The best thing to do would be to pick up the pieces, and move on. God will restore double what is lost.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Leave a comment | tags: about, answers, are, away, body language, breaking, confront, confronting, coping, dealing, denial, determine, do, down, he, how, is, liars, lying, me, prayer, reading, reversal, reversing, she, strategies, the, they, things. they, tips, to, to watch for, Truth, walk, what | posted in Daily Inspiration & Motivation
ABC’s of Life
Day 6 , Letter F
Fight for What You Believe Is Right
We have all encountered situations in life where we were forced to take a stand. There may have been repercussions for us speaking up, and there may have been rewards.
In the long run, there is always a reward when we fight for what we believe is right. It is called personal fulfillment.
When situations light fire in us and brew anger, passion begins to stir. By continuing to fight for our desires, wishes, dreams, and anything we believe is right; we continue to build more passion.
We are better off to speak up and take a stand, even if it means doing it alone. Just as the saying goes: We have to stand for something, or we will fall for anything.
Whether it be fighting for a relationship to work, career advancement, or something you feel is your moral obligation; fight for it. Keep fighting and keep believing.
When you feel inclined to give up, fight harder. Chances are if you decide to quit, everything you had been fighting for was only an arms reach away.
For Today: Take a stand and fight for what you believe it. It doesn’t matter what others think. It is better to fight and stand alone, than to not take a stand at all.
Day 7 Letter G
Give Others Grace To Grow
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
1 comment | tags: a, abc's, all, alone, alphabet, believe, believes, daily, day 6, encouraging, f, fear, fight, for, getting, he, healthier, i, in, inspiration, inspirational, is, lesson, lessons, letter, life, living, motivation, motivational, of, over, overcoming, poem, positive, right, series, she, should, stand, stand for something or we will fall for anything, standing, sticking, take, teaching, the, they, thinking, thoughts, to, up, uplifting, we, what | posted in ABC's of LIFE series From A-Z, Daily Inspiration & Motivation
ABC’s of Life Series
Day 4, Letter D
Dreaming Is A Must
We all are born to dream. Sometimes we just have a hard time believing in our dreams enough to follow through. We get stuck in these ruts of being comfortable, and find ourselves afraid to take a risk. However, we need to take a risk; to achieve a gain.
This world has developed due to people’s dreams and their determination to make those dreams a reality. Because someone dared to dream, we now communicate in this world faster than ever before. We build luxurious homes, we dine at the finest restaurants, and we wear some of the most lavish clothing.
Because someone dared to dream we have cures for diseases. Infants can live prematurely for weeks ahead of schedule and still survive. We are living longer, and for the most part we are healthier too.
Thank goodness people in this world have dreams. I am grateful that no matter how many times people were told it could not be done, someone made it a point to do it anyway. They followed their heart, and they succeeded.
Dreams keep us alive and give us something to look forward to. Dreams advance the world and grant opportunities like never before. Dreams, are a key to happiness. Fulfilling them is when happiness has nearly been mastered.
“Not only must we take time to dream, but we must make the time for our dreams to come true.”
What is your dream? Are you ready to make it happen? It can be done ….
Day 5 Letter E: Exercise Your Freedom Of Speech
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
3 comments | tags: a, abc's, achieve, after, believing, better, chasing, come, create, daily, dream, dreamers, dreaming, dreams, for, goals, going, healthier, healthy, inspirational, inspire, inspiring, is, life, lifes, live, lives, living, make, making, mind, mind-set, motivate, motivation, motivational, must, of, People, poem, pursue, Relationships, series, set, setting, something, take, the, thinking, time, to, true, want, wanting, we, world, you | posted in ABC's of LIFE series From A-Z, Daily Inspiration & Motivation
ABC’s of Life Series
From A – Z
Day 3, Letter C
Cherish Every Breath You Take
“Life can end or be forever changed in a millisecond. It is important that we live it to the fullest and not take it for granted. We must find our purpose, and fulfill it.”
I learned at an early age the stages of grief by the loss of loved ones. By the age of 20, I had been to more funerals than years I had been alive. The trend continued well into my thirties. From friends, to co-workers, family members, and classmates it didn’t take long to realize; the shortness of life. One minute we are here, and the next we are gone forever.
Signs that a person is cherishing every breath:
- They treat others as though it was the last time they will see them, every time that they see them.
- When they are in the wrong, they apologize.
- They find themselves thankful for all things, both good and bad.
- They dream big and follow through.
- They live the best life they know how to live.
- They begin to build new bridges once they cross them instead of burning bridges that they may need to cross again someday.
- They focus on the big picture, and try hard not to get caught up in the minuet details.
- They make sure they have left no stones unturned.
- They accept the past and build towards the future.
- They live as best they can to have no regrets.
- When they are present, people notice.
- They give life all they have.
What matters the most in the end is that our spirits are free enough from any baggage, to enter into the after-life. Otherwise, we are just another episode of ghost hunters. Who wants to be another lost and broken spirit wandering the earth after death; due to unresolved business? Surely, not me.
As for me personally, I want to make peace with people while I am here and live the best possible life that I can. It is the only way to rest in peace, when our time here has expired.
Day 4 Letter D – Dreaming Is A Must
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
1 comment | tags: abc's, accepting, after, at, be, breath, business, can, cherish, count, crossing, death, development, dying, dying. taking, enjoy, every, for, for granted, get, gone, Grief, grieving, happy, healing, here, i, in, is, it, learned, learning, lessons, let, life, little, make, minute, next, of, on, over, peace, People, poem, Relationships, rest, roaming, series, short, so, spirit, take, the, things, to, too, unresolved, us, we, what, when dead, you | posted in ABC's of LIFE series From A-Z, Daily Inspiration & Motivation
We have all faced times where our instincts have led us to questioning. And sometimes, we may question but refuse to believe what we hear or we may flat-out ignore the other signs we observed along the way. Why do we do this?
Often times it is because we are comfortable. The known is easier to accept than the unknown. The unfortunate part of these situations is that being comfortable can stunt our growth. Being uncomfortable is what promotes change. Being uncomfortable builds passion and stirs ones ambition. Being uncomfortable, encourages one to dream and follow through.
Although there are countless scenarios to use with this saying, I will start by using a person’s drive in a relationship that is failing vs. that of a person who recently jumped off of the fence.
Example:
The couple is miserable, and can’t stand each other. They fight and disrespect one another regularly. Yet they remain somewhat attached, and dependent for various reasons. One has intentions of leaving the relationship, but fear is currently winning the race. Because this person remains comfortable, it is harder to leave. Those comforts seem hard to sacrifice. And the simple change of leaving, is overwhelming.
Now take the person that has taken the plunge. They conquered fear and they left. Suddenly, this person sees the entire world differently. Some realities flat-out stink, while others are worth taking a picture.
Out of these two people: the one that stayed in the relationship and one that left; the one that left is closer to success and happiness. Why? Because they were uncomfortable. By being homeless and giving up the comforts of their lavish home, they were given the ability to work multiple jobs, try different venues, and make a change. By being uncomfortable and facing their own demons they were able to figure out what makes them tick. And by being uncomfortable, they were able to discover their purpose.
Sometimes being uncomfortable is a good thing. It is necessary. It creates change, and restores happiness over time.
“We can see the truth, hear the truth and know the truth;
but we never have to believe the lies.
And we should never refuse to look. “
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
12 comments | tags: afraid to look, break, change, conquering, courage, dictating, discovering purpose, Divorce, fear, get off fence, good, happiness, hear, ignoring signs, is, know, life, Marriage, move, necessary, on, People, plunge, promotes, Relationships, see, strength, symptoms, take, Truth, uncomfortable, up, why | posted in Daily Inspiration & Motivation, Dating, Divorce, Marriage, My Almost Famous Quotes, Observations, Relationships
Communication is essential for all relationships to function properly.
When communication breakdown begins, the relationship begins to suffer and the fate of the relationship enters an unknown zone. The outcome is often determined by the people involved, as well as their ability to communicate effectively until all the issues at hand are resolved.
There are many signs to communication breakdown that may need an intervention. If you find yourself struggling in a relationship facing these issues, find help.
Whether you stay or go is up to you, however, if communication doesn’t improve someone will likely be going over time.
Types of Communication Breakdown:
Stonewalling- This is when a partner is non responsive when conflict arrives. They refuse to interact at all. Stonewalling is a person’s way to protect themselves and their environment. It gives them a sense of control. Unfortunately, it gets the relationship nowhere near resolution, and often brings even more frustration to the one whom is willing to talk and communicate.
Root: The biggest reason for stonewalling in communication breakdown is guilt.
Body language: Arms are crossed and he/she refuses to make eye contact. Or, he/she walks away and refuses to communicate further. Responses are short, and usually consist of “I don’t know”.
Defensiveness- This is when the person takes away from the issue at hand, and turns it around. This person often tries to find fault in someone else, rather than taking responsibility for his or her own actions. Defensiveness will even cause the one seeking the help to look for how it would help their partner, rather than themselves.
Root: Defensiveness stems from fear. Fear of truth, and fear of disappointment.
Body Language: This is usually when one begins to make erratic faces and waves his or her hands or arms in the air. The emotions of this person can be quite unpredictable at times.
Denial – Denial can take us to places we never thought we would be. When one is in denial they can not hear what others try to tell them, nor can they see it. Denial is a combination of stonewalling and defensiveness. In both cases, one refuses to admit the issues. Without admittance there is no acceptance. And without acceptance, there is no change.
Root: Insecurities, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection fuels denial.
Body Language: The most common expression from one in denial is usually the person ignoring the issues. The moving hands or arms flaring, along with the statements such as “whatever” or “OK” are also pretty common. When in denial, everything going on in that person’s life is the fault of everyone else.
Secretiveness – Secretive people are usually very quiet. They are often the best listeners, but offer the least amount of information about their personal lives in terms of general conversation. Secret keepers are often image conscience, and prefer everyone to think that life is perfect. They too, are in denial and fear facing reality.
The key factor in discovering a secretive person is this: If they do not ask you many questions, it is usually because they do not want questions asked. They usually seem to be intrigued by what others have to say when in conversation, and are notorious for gossiping.
Root: Poor self-image and fear of abandonment promotes secretiveness.
Body Language: Calm and relaxed. The secretive person appears to have it all together. They want the world to believe that they have everything under control.
If you are in a romantic relationship where these behaviors occur seek help. Statistics have proven that once a relationship loses the ability to maintain effective communication, it becomes toxic and/or abusive.
If we can’t communicate properly, emotions will run high and things will escalate. This is a fact. We may not be able to help your partner or change them, but we can help ourselves and change our situation.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
8 comments | tags: actions, affect, barrier, barriers, behavior, blocks, body, break, breakdown, cause, change, communicate, communicating, communication, cooperate, cycle, Dating, defensive, denial, effect, effective, guilt, happening, help, how to tell by actions, is, language, life, Marriage, of, pattern, People, poor, relationship, root, roots, secretive, shame, signs, steps, stonewalling, stumbling, symptoms, talk, talking, trouble, types, warning, what | posted in Communication, Dating, Relationships
At the end of this last school year my third grader reported to me that there were children having sex that attended her k-5 elementary school. I was floored. I was unaware that she knew what the word was, let alone what it meant. After all, she was only 9.
As I have sat and pondered this topic long and hard, I am amazed at the amount of ignorance in this country from parents across the board that think their child doesn’t act like their peers. Their child, wouldn’t dare do these things we read about. Some of these parents believe that their honor student, youth group member or athlete wouldn’t dare drink, do drugs or have sex. However, it is happening everywhere. In fact, by the ages of 14-16 you will be lucky to find a child that hasn’t done one, if not all three of the above mentioned activities.
I wish everyone would be more realistic. I have been out of school for 16 years, and 18-19 years ago as a sophomore in high school almost everyone around me was having sex, drinking, or doing drugs. Some started as early as middle school. And this was 18 years ago. So why wouldn’t our kids be doing this now? It isn’t as though standards have improved in 18 years. It has gotten worse! STD rates are higher, teen pregnancy and drug overdose rates are higher, and it doesn’t appear that it is getting better any time soon.
Most homes now require two incomes, 70% of relationships suffer from infidelity, and some parents although they have parented a child choose to not be involved in the child’s life to the degree that the child needs. Perhaps, these things play a role. Or maybe, it has something to do with the fact that for centuries women married at ages as young as 12 and 14 and it is human nature. None the less, it is still happening.
Some choose to remain uneducated. I see it in a lot of homes. As I watch kids sneaking out in the neighborhood, see them sneaking their cigarettes, witness what appear to be drug transactions while in a grocery store parking lot or even hear stories of elementary students having sex I can’t help but wonder what is going on here. How can the parents choose to remain so ignorant? Where is that bond with their child? How is their child different from them? Because they gave the child a better life then they had, they feel the child will naturally make better choices? If only it were that easy.
Talk to your children. Most will likely lie to you as, it is awkward for most children to speak about having sex with anyone other than their peers. For teenagers these days and many years prior, it has become the norm to have sex by your sixteenth birthday. And by peers, you aren’t “cool” unless you have.
There are teenagers making plans for or having sex now as I type this and parents that will read this, shake their head, and say “not mine”. Wake up America. Get a hold of your child’s heart. Stop raising children that are searching for love and relationships in elementary buildings. Raise them to be secure with themselves, and with so much love that they have no need to look elsewhere. And pay attention to your preteen kids and your teenagers. We don’t always know them as well as we think.
Believe it or not, everything they say to us isn’t always true.
Were you always doing what you told your parents you were doing when you were your child’s age?
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
7 comments | tags: child, children, communication, denial, grab, heart, human, insecure, is, kids, nature, parenting, parents, peer pressure, preteen, raising, school, schools, sex, teen, teenage, teenagers, their, unruly, wake up, your | posted in Parenting, Teenagers
The definition of alcoholism can vary from person to person. It is defined by Miriam Webster as continued excessive or compulsive use of alcoholic drinks. Or, a chronic disorder marked by excessive and usually compulsive drinking of alcohol leading to psychological and physical dependence or addiction. For me personally an alcoholic is anyone that depends on it. It is someone who needs it to get through a day, or week. It is someone who binge drinks. None the less, it is anyone dependent on it or its effects.
It is important for family, friends, and loved ones of an alcoholic to realize that they can not fix, cure, or control the disease. The alcoholic must decide for themselves to quit, bottom line. You can however find support by attending Al-Anon meetings in your area. Al-Anon is a 12-Step program modeled on the well-known program for alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous. It provides wonderful support for families of alcoholics. These support groups offer a lot, and will help keep you sane while battling such a nasty disease.
If there are addiction signs such as regular consumption or binge drinking, it is important to know what role you play in disease progression. Alcoholics tend to surround themselves with like-minded people or people who will enable them. By enabling them we allow the disease to progress further. Friends, family, and loved ones of an alcoholic often fall in to one of the three categories below. We often do not realize that we are contributing to the disease.
The Rescuer
The rescuer basically “covers” for the alcoholic. This person will clean up after the alcoholic, deny the problem, and hide the issue. They may take over responsibilities for the alcoholic such as finances, and other areas. The rescuer feels that he/she is protecting the alcoholic. When in reality, covering up and covering for the alcoholic is only contributing to the problem. The rescuers are in denial, therefor they lie to themselves and lie for the alcoholic.
The Provoker
The provoker is one who will punish, chastise, and ridicule the drunken behavior. The provoker doesn’t care who hears, and will tell everyone what an awful person this alcoholic is. The provoker is angry, and the anger brews. The provoker often leaves the alcoholic over time. And takes a grudge with him/her when he/she goes.
The Martyr
The martyr is ashamed of the alcoholic and his/her behavior. The martyr speaks of their misery in dealing with the situation or withdraws completely. The martyr tries to get the alcoholic to feel guilty for his/her behavior by using emotions and feelings as a tool. What the martyr doesn’t realize is that the only emotions and feelings that can be seen, felt, or heard by an alcoholic is their own. The martyr is often at risk for depression.
Alcoholics create their own reality and are often controlling people. As a result 70% of domestic violence cases that occur involve an alcoholic. It is very important to seek help if you are battling this disease with a friend, family member, or loved one. Although we can’t control the alcoholic or the disease, we can control ourselves. By seeking help we can prevent ourselves from being destroyed by the disease. Their disease is not our fault but if we allow it to dictate our life and happiness, then that is our fault.
1 comment | tags: a, aa, al-anon, alcoholic, alcoholics, Alcoholism, an, ashamed, battling, battling alcoholism, binge, can i fix this, compulsive, consumption, contributing to disease, daily, disease, drink, drinking, drinking all the time, drinking every day, drunk, drunkard, drunken, embarassed, enable, enabler, enabling, family, friends, healthier life, healthier living, help, I'm, is, is there hope, it, living with an alcoholic, loved, martyr, member, my loved one, obsessive, ones, prevent, prevention, provoke, provoker, provoking, relationship problems, rescuer, self help, trouble, troubled, troubled marriage | posted in Alcoholism
I have studied controlling behavior for quite some time. I find the psychological patterns that accompany it quite intriguing. After observing and analyzing a case these last few days, I figured out what it is controlling people really want in a partner/relationship.
What a controlling person really wants is someone weak. They attract nothing but weak people in almost every aspect of their life. They prefer someone who is more of a follower. Someone they feel that they can help in some way. They want someone to stroke their ego, someone to cater to them. They want a puppet on a string.
In the beginning of the relationship they will appear to be a giver. But once they are settled they take, and take, and take. And then once in a while, they give. To their partner anyway. To the world in most cases, they come off as laid back, easy going, driven, and focused. However behind close doors, they are verbally abusive and at times physically abusive.
What the victim doesn’t see often times is that they are in fact a victim. Their weak mindedness, fragility, low self-esteem, and brokenness will allow their mind and heart to believe this person is their rescuer. “They will take care of me!” “It’s the fairy tale!” And it will be fabulous in the eyes of the victim while the victim remains in that state of weakness. Controlling people thrive in co-dependent relationships. As do the weak minded initially.
I have come to a conclusion as to why the relationship that would be labeled as controlling, often ends. It isn’t only because of control. It is because the victim, gains strength over time. The victim begins to find their voice. Once this happens, the victim walks away. The relationship is finished. The controller then attracts another weak person, and the trend continues. It is when the weak become strong, that it ends. If a controlling person had their way, they would never end a bad relationship. If they ended it they may have to face themselves.
If you are in a controlling relationship, find your voice and use it. Stop the abuse, before it stops you!
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
6 comments | tags: Abuse, abusive, angela, bininger, control, control freak, controlling, Controlling people, destructive, finding, he, is, me, my, Observations, places, say, see, she, speaking, stop, talk, tells, to, to do, to go, up, voice, wear, what, what controlling people want, who, why do they control, your | posted in Abuse, Controlling people
Love is the willing sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of others, without the thought of return. With that being said, how many of us truly love? We say things like “Well I did this for them, they can at least ____.” We keep score in our head of who has done what in the relationship such as who visits who, who calls who, etc. We don’t always admit that we do this, but we do.
So, I guess the question here is “Who Do You Love?” How many people have you loved to this degree? When is the last time you loved someone and expected nothing in return? Have you done a favor for someone you love, and when the time came for you to have a favor done for you nobody came through? Were you irritated? Did you expect them to do for you what you once did for them?
If everyone memorized and lived by this definition, we would all be a lot easier to love. Love isn’t easy, but certainly was never intended to be a battlefield. It was intended to be the “willing and sacrificial giving of oneself for the benefit of others, without the thought of return.” Yes, that is love. True love.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerer, 2009-2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerer with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Leave a comment | tags: advice, battlefield, benefit, both, Dating, define, defined, definition, do, door, easy, expect, expected, favor, favors, for, giving, head, help, inspirational, inspired, inspiring, irritated, is, keeping, life, Love, loved, loving, Marriage, my, of, once, oneself, others, our, ours, People, relationship, Relationships, return, sacrificial, score, self help, swings, the, thought, true, ways, what, who, willing, without, you, your | posted in Daily Inspiration & Motivation, Love, Marriage, Relationships
