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We have all faced them and at one point been one. But how do we know if we are dealing with a liar the next time around? Perhaps the next one is a little bit more skilled than the last. This next one may just be on the border, of being a perfect liar.
Body Language is everything and there is an art to learning how to read the person. If you find them in simple lies that you know for certain are lies, ask questions and watch how they react. Then ask normal questions to get a feel for how they react. This technique coupled with natural instincts, will get the answers your heart needs every time.
Things to watch for in their body language:
Pay particular attention to the jaw line. Watch for twitching or erratic movement. It is usually closer to the ear.
Next watch the legs and hands. Are their legs moving back and forth or are their knuckles being cracked? Being fidgety is a huge warning sign.
Are they carressing their frontal lobe and/or the bridge of their nose?
What is their tone? How does this compare to normal conversation?
Paying attention to the way they react when you present them with information you know, will give you most of the answers you need. In time, you will appear to be borderline psychic. All you have to do is know who you are dealing with.
Reversals are common when dealing with liars. This is when they either change subjects entirely, or they find something to blame you for.
You may be talking about something they actually did, and they will jump to something they think you might do to them. This is because of the guilt on their conscience that they do this. They hate being caught.
Walking Away is common with liars. They can’t face the truth. They have to take that time of panic, to gather up their story.
“What do you know?”, is a question commonly asked by liars. Or they will say “tell me what you think you know”. In their minds, they need facts first. It gives them time to scheme up their newest version of the story. And by telling them what you know and how you know, you aid them at fooling you more the next time. They are sneaky.
The easiest way to see how genuine they are when they “come clean” according to them, is to bring the subject up multiple times in various settings and comfort zones. When this is done, the stories will have holes which in turn leads you to more answers.
After having loved a liar in any kind of a relationship, you will find that you are a much better listener. You may also find that you take better notes and pay close attention to details.
Denial is the reason people lie. They feel that by denying who they have been or are, they can get closer to what they really want. The unfortunate part is that they can not see denying takes them further away from their destination. What that fail to realize is that: “It is impossible to fix something that we can’t admit is broken. So as long as the issues are denied, things will remain broken.”
A person who is dealing with a liar may find themselves praying, a lot. I highly recommend the prayer. God gets angry when people wrong us. And he will reveal the answers we need if we ask.
The question is, how bad do you want to know? Is it really worth it? The best thing to do would be to pick up the pieces, and move on. God will restore double what is lost.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Angela Bininger and The Empowerers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Leave a comment | tags: about, answers, are, away, body language, breaking, confront, confronting, coping, dealing, denial, determine, do, down, he, how, is, liars, lying, me, prayer, reading, reversal, reversing, she, strategies, the, they, things. they, tips, to, to watch for, Truth, walk, what | posted in Daily Inspiration & Motivation
We all have things that annoy or bother us when it comes to others’ actions. It is vital that when these situations occur; we communicate those feelings with the appropriate person.
There is a way to communicate, and have straight A’s in the process. The conversations will be fail proof if the following steps are considered before tackling an issue or problem with another individual. It is truly all about our approach, our attitude(s), and our actions.
Approach is the first step to communication. If you approach with a bad attitude one will feel attacked, and things will quickly escalate. On the other hand if your approach is calm, sincere, and lacks sarcasm; it will be accepted by the opposite party will likely not become offended. We must all follow the three T’s to a proper approach when we are communicating a problem we have with someone else.
Attitude is everything in life; especially when communicating feelings or resolving issues one may have with other people. A bad attitude can be contagious; but the good attitude is more appealing, attractive, and will provide better results.
Maintaining a positive demeanor while approaching and talking to an individual will promote conversation opposed to yelling and bickering. A person’s attitude when approaching another individual with heated topics; will determine the outcome. A bad attitude, will catch some of the most positive and care-free spirits off guard.
Actions speak louder than words. Our gestures or what we do can speak volumes in showing the other person how we truly feel. We may claim we were talking nice, but how heated we become is revealed by our actions. If either person is shaking their head, defensive, or involving others: it would be best to stop communicating until things calm down.
As with all problems in life, until we get to the root of an issue it will never get resolved. If we find ourselves in conflict with others and then over time speaking again without ever fully discussing what caused or allowed the previous separation; we will end up in the same place again and again. Until we fix the roots and they are thriving, the flowers will never blossom.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
2 comments | tags: about, actions, advice, approach, approaching, attitude, boss, brother, cant, child, co-worker, communicate, communication, do, does, everything, family, father, friends, ganging, getting to root of problem, he, help, how, life, louder, me, mother, others, parents, People, problem, problems, relationship, she, sister, speak, stand, talking, that, the, they, through, to, up, when, why, with, working, you | posted in Communication
ABC’s of Life
Day 5 Letter E
Exercise Your Freedom of Speech
So many are afraid to find their voice and use it. It is unfortunate that they remain comfortable living their lives controlled by others emotions and actions.
Many people have a hard time standing up for themselves. Some will just go with the punches, and lolly-gag through life. Others will repeat things they are told instead of telling what they feel. They will hide behind a mask, and remain mute. They will remain afraid to stand up for themselves.
Whether speaking on behalf of something that we feel is right or wrong; we should all exercise our right to speak. It is our God-given right and it is our freedom.
Considering that freedom is never free, the best way we could say thank those that have laid down their lives so we can have freedom; would be to use our freedom of speech.
It’s time we take a stand. It starts with one voice and then soon after; many more will rally behind that voice.
“We must find our voice so we can teach others to find theirs.“
For today: Speak up. Let them know what is on your mind. Only you can speak for you. If you don’t speak, then you will be the only one to blame. By letting them know, that weight will be lifted and you will begin to experience emotional freedom.
Day 6 Letter F
Fight For What You Believe Is Right
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
Leave a comment | tags: a puppet on a string, abc's, about, annoyed, believing, control, controlling, daily, do, encouraging, exercise, fed, feel, feeling, freedom, growing, hope, how, how to live my life, inspiration, learning, lesson, lessons, life, like, live, mine, motivation, motivational, my, of, of speech, poem, quote, right, say, series, sick, speak, speaking, speaking up, standing, sticking, teaching, tell, telling, telling me what to do, thinking, tired, to, told, Truth, up, your | posted in ABC's of LIFE series From A-Z, Daily Inspiration & Motivation
I have always said:
If we ever want to know the truth about something we must simply ask a young child.
Children naturally tell the truth until taught to do otherwise. They say exactly what is on their mind and exactly what they feel. From temper tantrums to screaming their feelings or simply talking, children have a way of letting the world know what is on their mind.
A young child will tell us if we got a bad hair cut, or if our shoes aren’t working with our attire. They will tell us if we have gained or lost weight, as well as how mom and dad really are. Unless children are being trained to be emotionally dishonest they will most generally tell the truth.
With children being as honest as they are it leaves one to wonder how lying begins. What creates a liar? How do we as a society create less liars and instead create more acceptance for others and their emotions?
As people we are taught at a young age to be emotionally dishonest with ourselves. We are told to say please and thank you whether we mean it or not, and forced to say that we are feeling fine when that may not actually be the case. We are taught not to voice our opinions and at other times told to speak up. All of these things we are taught; when once upon a time we had the ability to be emotionally honest with ourselves and the world around us.
Because we train children and each other to be emotionally dishonest we have more or less created a world of liars. We wonder why people hide from their emotions, and why they lie to themselves. We wonder why people are not honest with people in their lives. When in reality, everyone is just doing what they were taught and told to do.
When we expect someone to think like us, feel like us, and react like we would we are merely creating a person that is afraid to be who they are. This causes a person to build walls and become distant. This puts a gap in the relationship, and is the beginning of not knowing that person anymore. That person begins to find friends and people in the world that accepts him/her as he/she is. They surround themselves with people who make them feel at ease. Somewhere that they do not need to wear a mask. A place where they can simply be themselves.
I will hear parents ask or say: “Who is this child?”, “What happened to him/her?” “I didn’t raise him/her that way!” and a series of other questions or statements when they realize their child has become a manipulative lying teenager. People making these statements are often unaware of their contribution in making that child be emotionally dishonest with himself/herself. Once emotional honesty vs. emotional dishonesty is approached by that parent, it will be easier for that parent to not only cope, but also correct the behavior in the child before it carries over into that child’s adulthood.
After we grasp the concept of emotional honesty and the benefits of it, it becomes easier to see situations more clearly. Emotional honesty is the best route to take towards personal peace. Once we are honest with ourselves and we find our voice everything else tends to fall into place. Emotional honesty is our only way of taking a ride on Harmony. And harmony is an essential fruit of life. It is pure, sweet, and quite tasty.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
7 comments | tags: about, acceptance, avoiding, child, children, create, creates, daughter, deception, dishonest, dishonesty, distance, emotional, father, hard, hide, hiding, honest, honesty, kids, liars, lies, life, mother, naturally born to speak truth, parenting, parents, planting seeds, raising liars, reality, rearing, relationship, son, space, speak, speaking, teaching, teen, teenagers, teens, training, Truth, what happened, who is this kid, why is my kid doing this, world, world we are creating, young child, young children | posted in Daily Inspiration & Motivation, Lies, Parenting, Truth
The Harsh Reality of Words
Although lips are considered the most sensitive part of the human body, they can do the most damage to our bodies vital organs. The heart and the brain. Damage control can be hard to do at times. We are better off to control the strongest muscle in our body, the tongue. If we can control our tongue, we can conquer anything.
© Angela Bininger and The Empowerers, 2009-2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this websites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited.
8 comments | tags: about, brain, damage, harsh, heart, life, lips, mouth, negative, organs, People, positive, sensitive, speak, speaking truth, spoken, taking control, talking, to, tongue, words | posted in Daily Inspiration & Motivation, Observations, Relationships
Sometimes as relationships end people tend to hold on to a few mistakes one person made and use them as that person’s complete character make-up. They will talk about you, deceive you, and manipulate the situations allowing others to believe you are someone you are not. The best thing to do in a situation such as this, is just bide your time.
When people lie, it always comes out eventually. It may take a week, a month, or in some cases many years. But nonetheless, it comes out. All we can do, is keep doing what we know is right. We must stay true to ourselves and not let the negativity they project towards us, get to us.
Say a prayer, and have some faith. Over time others will see who was being honest, and who wasn’t. Others will see who is weak, and who is strong. Others will begin to question the things that do not add up. And when they do, that someone who was once trying to convince others that you are someone you aren’t; will get a dose of karma.
“What we project out, will always be returned to us. So keep projecting the good and eventually, the good will come.”
3 comments | tags: about, be, comes, denial, denying, discouraged, ending, eventually, faith, honest, karma, knowing, lies, lying, me, negative, out, over, patience, patient, poorly, positive, project, relationships. end, right, stay, strong, talking, time, true, Truth, uplift, uplifting, what, you | posted in Alcoholism, Relationships
Just referencing the word infidelity can bring great pain to one that has been in a relationship where it has occurred. The grieving process when a partner has cheated with one, or even multiple partners is often compared to death. To a degree that process is the same. The pain is deep, and it is real. Life as you knew it has ended.
Initially it begins with the shock and denial phase. You just can’t believe it. Even when you have seen the signs, and your partner lied, this phase is a tough one. The emptiness in the stomach and the pressure you feel on your chest is unbearable. It is as though you stood under a crane and a piece of a concrete wall just fell on you. It squashes you.
Once you realized this is your new reality, you begin to bargain, and reason. Then comes anger! You want every memory and trace gone. None of it was real. There is no need for memories to inflict more pain. You become consumed with thoughts and visuals of who your partner really is. What they were doing all those times you trusted them. Often times, you are ready to hurt someone and there better be not a soul that rubs you the wrong way. Anger, is dangerous.
Depression comes next, and then eventually you reach a point of acceptance. Anyone that bears the pains of an unfaithful partner will have experienced all five of these stages. They occur in an order. They can come one at a time, two at a time, and sometimes all at the same time. The betrayed partner could simply be driving down the road, then suddenly FLASHBACK! Ahhh, the pain is back! And it is all so real! It is hard to control! Mourning that loss of someone you loved. Someone you believed it. Your lover, and your friend. Now that is a painful bump in the road. A bump that can be crippling. It paralyzes the victim, they become frozen. They feel as though they were watching this movie, and out of nowhere the movie ends. IT’S OVER, THE END!
What makes the grief process with infidelity different from that of a death is the fact that as humans we expect death. Even when it’s premature death, it is reality that we will all eventually die. What we do not expect to have is that a partner is unfaithful. We do not expect them to be out with others laughing, and sexing it up. They are living a double life, all while the faithful stay faithful. They stay true to themselves. They stay true to who they are. And that is what makes it so devastating. The faithful, now bear a pain that they never deserved.
The faithful now visit doctors in hopes that they haven’t contracted a life long illness for that sake of their partners addiction to sex. The faithful now wonder if anything was ever real. The faithful ask why? Why wasn’t I worth the truth? How could you do this to me? Why did you string me along? How could you lie to me all those times I asked and you made me think I was crazy making up scenarios? How could you throw away everything we ever had for someone who meant nothing?
The absolute worst part of having suffered from the actions of an unfaithful partner, is that the victim is not only hurt by their cheating partner. The victim is not just going through the stages of grief and mourning the loss of a person, or a dream. The victim often feels sexually assaulted. The victim has no idea where there partner has been, or where those other people have been. The victim wasn’t worth their partner using protection to prevent infecting innocent people. The victim, has now slept with people that he/she has never met or known. The feelings of this, are devastating. The victim feels dirty.
So to the victims that read this, I am sorry. You aren’t dirty. It is not your fault. Your partner is sick. They need help. You can’t help them and that is not your fault. Their connection to you was deep. They avoided their feelings by using other people in place of what they really loved. They didn’t know who they were. They were weak and insecure. And they will get what they deserve.
To the whores, and cheaters – Thanks for continuing to populate the world with your infectious bodies. Now go get a hobby. Gain some respect for yourself. Show some character. And grow the hell up. It is not all about you and fulfilling your selfish desires at the expense of other people.
Your friends that support your lifestyle you lived while cheating on your partner(s), are worthless. A true friend would have told you it wasn’t right. A true friend would want you to do well in life. A true friend would want you to become the best person you can be. So as the partner you once had leaves, remember that your pathetic people who supported your ignorance, are the same classless bastards you deserve. And keep an eye out, this will all come back around. Karma, is karma. And you will get yours!
6 comments | tags: about, acceptance, active, addiction, addictions, affair, affairs, Cheating, death, disease, dying, faithful, flashbacks, Grief, infidelity, its over, karma, life, loss, Love, making, mistress, nothing, Observations, pain, pains, paralyzed, People, psychology, questioning everything, rant, real, Relationships, s.t.d.s, sense, sense of rape, sex, sexual, sexual assault, sexual battery, signs were there, sluts, stages, surpasses, suspected, unexpected, unprotected, victim, was, whores | posted in Cheating
